Slow Enlightenment Part 2

I have always known that I wanted to have a career that involved working with children.  I understood in high school that I was like a "child whisperer."  I know, silly and possibly creepy term, but it is the best term I have to describe how good I am working with children.  You see and hear about people called "animal whisperers" or "horse whisperers."  It basically means that the person is really good and insightful when working with a certain animal.  Well, that is how I am with children.  All (well almost all) children seem to love me immediately.  In stores, I can get every (small) child to smile and laugh and talk.  When I was a helper in dance classes for young children, they would often call the real dance instructor by my name.  I never understood it then, because I was the one who was in charge of discipline and technique corrections.  I was the one who made little girls cry because they thought I was mad at them or I put them in time out.

I am impatient with many things, but my patience with children is pretty endless.  I seem to understand what children want and need without them verbally explaining it.  I joke with friends that I am better at talking to children than adults.  I just seem to have an intuition when it comes to children.

I haven't worked with children of all ages, but I seem to work best with children about 8 years of age and younger.  My favorite age group is about 4 years of age and younger.  I have known for a long time that I wanted to somehow work with young children, but I didn't know what I wanted to do specifically.

Growing up and until my first high school psychology class, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher.  I loved playing "school" when I was young and I loved the thought that I would be teaching bright young minds.  For a time in high school, I stopped wanting to be a teacher due to the amount of paperwork. I focused on photography instead because I have a good eye for angles and I love crafty and artsy things.

After my very first psychology class when I was 17, I knew that I wanted to go to school for psychology and I wanted to work with children.  I knew I had a natural ability to work well with children, but that wasn't enough.  I wanted to understand why children acted like they did.  Why did I withdrawal from everything after my parents' separation while my brother acted out?  How could my brother and I look so similar and yet act so differently?  Why did some teenagers have to be so catty and judgmental and fake?  Why are so many people so insecure?  I also wanted to know why I was able to work well with children when other people weren't.  Maybe it is because my mom did daycare from our home and I had practice working with kids from a young age.  Maybe it is because my mom modeled behaviors that I picked up on.  At the time I had no idea.

Currently, I am in my 7th year of higher education in psychology and I am finally realizing some reasons why I am so good with children and what I want to do with my career.  This enlightenment has been very slow and very frustrating at times, but it has been worth it.

Through my classes and clinical experience, I have slowly narrowed down what I want to do and what I am good at doing.  In year 1 of grad school, I thought that I loved CBT.  Then, in year 2, I tried it with a real client.  I quickly realized that I am not good at CBT and that I may like the theory, but I do not like it in practice.  It wasn't until year 3 that I realized I love Humanistic theory and that I take a Humanistic approach in session.  This was the first part of my enlightenment.  I had been doing Humanistic therapy without realizing it and feeling bad about myself because I wasn't doing CBT like my supervisor wanted.

Another part of my enlightenment occurred this past year (year 3) as well.  I am conducting assessments with children at my current practicum site.  I realized that I love doing assessments with adult, but hate doing them with children.  When I see children, I build rapport easily and then become a bad guy because children think of the assessments like they do their schoolwork.  All I want is to talk with the children and make them feel safe and secure and help them build skills so they can help themselves feel and act better.  I have been told by parents and other people that know my clients that I have "gotten through" or "no one has ever been able to get my child to do ____ before."  When I hear that, all I want is to go back to the child and work with them more.

The final part (so far) of this enlightenment occurred today.  The new semester just began which means new classes.  In one class, we are learning about play therapy and I love it!  Without being technical and long winded, part of play therapy is observing the child, while interacting with the child, and putting the child's actions into words.  It is kind of like being the voice of the child because the child either cannot verbalize his own thoughts/feelings or because the child does not understand his thoughts/feelings and therefore is unable to put them in words.  This isn't an easy task for all people.  For me, I am able to use my natural skills and intuition while making a difference.

Before learning about play therapy, I was unsure about what I liked.  There just wasn't a type of therapy that "fit."  Now, I know what I want to do and I am excited.  Hopefully this excitement will get me through the next few years of stress and school and completing education things that I need, but don't really like.

Slow Enlightenment Part 1

After a year of no posts, I had to write something.  The closer I become to finishing graduate, the more enlightened I become about myself as a person and my choices.  This is part 1 of at least 2 posts.  I started a post about my realization of what I wanted to do with my career and I realized that there is so much more.  This first part is more about how I have grown and changed as a person.  The second part is more about my career.

My first enlightenment occurred while I was an undergraduate student.  I grew up in a small, rural community with little diversity and little push to be more or do more.  I lived a pretty sheltered life.  It wasn't until I was in my 3rd year of classes in my psychology program in college that things changed.  I changed.

I have always prided myself on being open-minded and empathic and  I have always been very flexible in my opinions and have always seen "the grey area."  By taking many elective classes, I realized that I had many stereotypes that influenced the way in which I thought about people and interacted with them.  I realized my lack of "worldly" and "cultural" experiences made me feel even more shy and reserved and uncomfortable in certain situations.  I realized how little I knew and how little I tried to know about people who were different.  After working with African Americans, I realized that they are typically louder than I am, but not much different.  After studying in Spain for a semester, I appreciated what it was like to be a minority and how rude people can be if you don't speak the language with confidence.  I experienced what it was like when someone has a negative stereotype against you because of where you are from.  After taking various religion classes, I finally began to form my own opinions.  I formed my own opinions not just about religion, but about everything.  It all started when I realized than many people who claim a religion as their own, only do so because they were raised in that they religion.  They listen to what their parents and religious leaders have to say and do not question anything.

This trend of forming my own opinions was further influenced by taking many psychology and hard science classes.  The basic thing you are taught is to question everything.  Just because someone speaks confidently or has fancy degrees, does not mean that they are right or true or best.  Sometimes people have their facts wrong and sometimes people try to trick you (like NPR does for April Fool's Day).

So, I started to question myself and others.  I didn't question ideas and opinions of others to be rude or disrespectful, but because I was trying to figure out my own opinions of things and why I had those opinions.  I stopped trying to fit into a box or stereotype.  I stopped trying to be like other people to fit in.  I stopped being judgmental about some things because someone close to me had judgments.  My opinions about others' actions shifted from thinking people were bad or good because they did what I thought was bad or good to thinking that I don't care what other people do as long as their actions don't harm others.  I still have opinions of what is "good" or "bad," but I judge others if they are not harming others.  This has helped me become a better person and a better clinician because I can better embrace the basics of being a good therapist.

This road of enlightenment has been difficult at times.  People don't always agree with my opinions and decisions, but I am happy and better for finally making my own opinions and being my own person.

How to clean your shower with less effort

As I was searching for cleaning tips and tricks on Pinterest, I came across one in which you clean your shower while you are taking a shower.  I thought it was a fantastic idea.  Unfortunately, it didn't turn out like it was supposed to.  What I pinned didn't lead to the original source and I didn't try to find the original source until after I failed.  Here is the caption and photo that I pinned:

"Keep one in the shower filled with a mixture of half vinager, half Dawn dishsoap. Use it to wipe down the shower while you are in there and your shower will always be clean"

The idea seems simple enough.  I bought a cheap one of these and a suction cup so I could hang it up in the shower out of the reach of the kids.

After I hung up the sponge I was so excited to take a shower and see how well this would work.  Here are the problems I faced later that evening and the next day:

• The soap and vinegar had leaked out by the time I got in the shower
• I still used it with what little was left on the sponge and I had no easy way to rinse the sides of the shower
• By the next morning the suction cup had fallen down

After this failure I found the original source here.  I thought I should have boughten the Scotch Brite Dishwand as recommended until I read reviews that said this leaked as well.  I still think this is a great idea, I just need to tweak the original instructions.

Top Challenges for a 2nd Year Grad Student

Going into my second semester of my second year of grad school, I would love to say that I think things will be easier and there will be less challenges.  Unfortunately, I don't think this will happen for me.  At the end of the fall semester I had a few low numbers on my end of semester evaluation which made me realize that I am no where near as competent as I thought and wished I would be at this time.  Right now you are probably wondering what challenges I face.  So here is a list of the unique challenges I face:

• Balancing my personal life, classes, and practicum
• Becoming a better writer
• Learning how and when to ask for help (I've always been very independent and never liked asking for help of any kind)
• Being more assertive with clients, coworkers, and peers
• Managing time effectively
• Researching and writing a dissertation
• Finding my learning style and learning how to study (I never really had to study until grad school)
• Finding and implementing effective treatments for my clients 

There are two lines bolded above.  Time management and asking for help are my biggest challenges because they affect everything else.  The worst for me is that I really don't know when I need help or when I don't fully understand something.  I'll think I understand and know what to do.  Then I will receive my grade or be talking with someone and realize I had no idea what I was supposed to do or my perspective was different than intended.  I have been trying to understand why I keep struggling with some classes and with some things at practicum.  I realized over Christmas break that I struggle because I don't fully understand something without realizing it and I don't ask for clarification.  Now that I'm aware I'm hoping I can change this.  It's taken 1 1/2 years, a few low grades, and some really great people for me to understand that sometimes I do need help and there are people who are willing to help me.

It's a new year and a new semester which means a fresh start to get my ass into gear and change what needs to be changed.  I am more aware of my challenges now than I was in September and I have a better support system.  I am confident that I can and will change.

My New Blog: A Little Bit of Creativity and a Little Bit of Psychology

I recently decided it was time to begin a new blog. This time, I wanted a blog that fell into a niche and had a purpose. I wanted to gain a specific audience. Since the school year began in September, I have been constantly thinking about psych topics (since I'm in a doctoral psych program) and constantly searching Pinterest for new diy projects. I was torn between what type of blog I wanted to create. I love diy projects, but being a grad student leaves me little time and money. I love talking about psychology, but that's what I do all day during the week and I don't just want to rant and vent on a blog, but research and put thought into my posts. That made me realize how much I don't like to research things sometimes. Well, I eventually decided that I would combine both my passions into one blog; alternating between pscyh posts and crafty posts. Hopefully, I will keep blogging and my audience will grow.

So, I had my mind made up for the content of my blog and I had even started discussing topics with my husband when I realized I didn't have a name for my blog. Let me just say that I am horrible at coming up with names. I generally resort to something that includes my name. I wanted a catchy name, but something that would still be relevant at the end of my school career. I knew it also had to be something that captured both the crafty and psychological aspects of my blog so it would show up in search engines and people would be interested just by reading the title. I seriously thought about a name for weeks. I did a google search on how to name a blog. I even designed my blog and starting writing before I found a name I liked.

I finally decided on "Creative Stress Tolerance." My original ideas included a combination of the term "Distress Tolerance" and a word to include the diy project side of my blog. Distress Tolerance is a psych terms used in different therapies and I didn't want people to see my title and think that this was a blog about therapy. The title also seemed negative. That's when I tried adding a word to incorporate the diy side of my blog to make the title sound more positive and fun. It still didn't work. I didn't like the words I chose or the meaning they portrayed. Finally, I changed 'distress' to 'stress' to give off a less negative feeling and stop using a psych term. Then I settled on 'creative' because I am interested in only one category of diy projects. I like being crafty, making art, decorating, cleaning, and building things.

And now that I have a name many posts are sure to follow. I know there won't always be an even split of diy and psych posts, but I plan on making at least two of each posts every month. Hopefully I can keep it up and people are interested in what I put.

DIY flower girl basket

Psychology Symbol (Greek letter psi)